Quite often, fairy tales mention the difficult relationship of stepmother and stepdaughter or stepson. But it is not easy to recall such a fairy tale about stepfather and stepson. Apparently, such relationships are not amenable to mythological treatment.
Similar conflicts that arose between a child and a beloved man particularly injure the mother. About who is to blame and what to do to mom this material.
At the end of the article you will understand: whether it is necessary to intervene when your child is trying to be "raised" by a non-native "dad".
So, consider the structure of such a relationship: a wife and a mother in one person and two men. Already in the structure itself lies the struggle of two men for one woman. And even if we consider the relationship when the parents are relatives, and here the struggle of two men for one woman comes up, he only becomes dulled, because people are relatives.
In our case, the situation is heating up many times, because no one is obliged to love anyone, and there is no reason to obey, indicate, care.
Mutual respect will not arise in and of itself, adults, both of which must make a lot of effort for this.
Stepson - whatever, the second man in the same house. He has certain rights to a woman. In addition, he is growing, he can start playing men's games, albeit unconsciously, at the age of 5-6, so he is trying to compete with the second man in strength, in steepness. After all, there is a woman nearby, and this struggle is unfolding for this woman.
Stepfather's stepson got a load on his beloved woman. He interferes with him with his presence, since the wife pays his attention to him, prevents him from loving her, in addition, the stepson has to be fed, dressed, etc.
And this boy constantly reminds that his stepfather is not the first man. The stepson is not just a small man, he embodies the appearance, habits, aspirations of the ex-husband.
First of all, we are interested in feelings. Each child can hardly tolerate the divorce of his parents, he hopes to the last that his father will return. Yes, and often mothers do not finish, waving off the phrases: "Dad had to urgently leave," "Your dad and I should live separately." Be that as it may, no matter whether the child knew his father at all, his traditions are formed in the house. But time passes and a new man appears who should become his father. The child used to want this, but now he understands that the third turned out to be superfluous.
And now for the child the next trauma associated with the loss of mom. Now that love, attention, care, time that was given to the son began to be divided into two.
Moreover, this man tells his mother how to raise him, controls, scolds, even punishes his stepson. And what right does he have for this? He is a stranger to him, not a father.
And yet, not always the stepson has the opportunity to even see his blood father, which means that the man who needs to replace his father needs a stepson. Therefore, he reaches for a man taking his father's place in the house. For him, he is a senior man, an example that will help to enter into a male fraternity, become a man, and now he expects protection, support and encouragement from him.
The kid perceives the world as it was shown, explained. If conflicts arise in the stepfather with a child of preschool age, then only the adults themselves are to blame, who are poorly versed in child psychology, in the capabilities of the child. You just need to learn how to build relationships with each other, to negotiate.
But there is one more reason. Former relatives, most often in the form of ex-mother-in-law. And then everything depends on how often the child sees her.
But then the child goes to school. And the problems begin. The boy does not want to do lessons, he is drawn to late, due to deuces and constant remarks. Before the stepfather a choice: to intervene or give up?
In fact, the steering wheel is in the hands of mom. It all depends on how she presents the situation to the child. The power of the mother is actually much more than many imagine. After all, it is the mother in the consciousness of the child who appears first, then the father, grandmother and so on.
And if the mother wants the stepfather to join in the upbringing, she must explain that he is her husband, which means they are all one family, and since he takes the same care, devotes time to the child, spends time and effort, he means that he has the same right as mother. And that should sound.
But it happens that the husband with all his might is involved in the upbringing of the child. Only sometimes bends the stick. He tried to replace his father’s food, but did not see reciprocity. That's disappointed in him.
Then mother and stepfather must agree. It is the mother who must decide all the critical moments with the child, since she knows him better.
It is good if at least friendships are established between the step-father and the step-child. Most often, the stepfather and stepson have to live under the same roof as neighbors, no one has anything to do with anyone, no one tells anyone anything. This happens more often with older children.
Initially, after meeting a new man, the boy is not understanding why his mother needs it. Sometimes teenagers consider this situation to be a betrayal.
Further, they should be expected to create situations in which the mother will have to choose between her son and husband. As a result of conflicts, both mother and stepfather may feel guilty, while the adolescent will feel satisfaction. And here the matter most often is not the lack of attention or the poor attitude of the stepfather, it is simply that the child is of such age.
As a result of such antics of the child, the stepfather’s attitude towards him may deteriorate. This cannot be allowed, since the boy can be even more offended by his mother for the appearance of a man in the house, to move away from her, which is very undesirable at this age. Adults need to be patient and not pay attention to provocations.
You can not leave the situation when the husband breaks down in a cry, the child begins to cry. Such conflicts can further complicate an unsettled relationship between a son and a husband. Perhaps someone is tired, out of sorts. Here it is worth taking a break, calm down, and only then continue discussing the problem.
