Possessing transcendental self-confidence under any circumstances is even harmful. Self doubt is beneficial. They encourage us to put in more effort, look for our “blind spots” and identify areas that should be improved. Uncertainty makes us open to other people's ideas, ready for change and makes us value the support of others more.
Do not be afraid of self-doubt. These are unpleasant sensations, but if you start to panic, then only intensify the experience. Self-doubt will not necessarily lead to disaster. If you feel insecure, this does not mean that you are a worthless or inferior person. This does not guarantee that you will make a bad decision or not like others.
Doubts are an important and useful emotion, just some people experience them more often than others.
Although doubts themselves are not a problem, they underlie non-adaptive behaviors. What traps lie in doubtful people?
1. Uncertain people keep their thoughts to themselves.
If you lack confidence, you underestimate the skills and knowledge that you have, because you consider them insignificant or assume that everyone knows what you know. Do not think that everyone thinks the same way.
Speak out. Do not assume that everyone already had the idea that you want to share. Sometimes it may seem that one skill is valued higher than others (for example, your company values programmers more than everyone else).
Remember: The alternative perspectives and unique experience of each participant makes teamwork effective even if you are not aware of it.
2. Uncertain people think for a long time, but do not dare to directly ask what they want.
Are you used to thinking about the problem for a long time, and not daring to ask? If you have doubts, you do not feel free to even express your wishes.
Andrey wanted to book a hotel room using bonus points. Only points with one double bed were offered on the hotel’s website for points, and he needed an option with two single beds.
Just calling the hotel and contacting the administration with a request, he forced them to change the type of room when booking. Ask for what you need. Do this before you start looking for alternative solutions and workarounds.
Hoping to hear yes, you should be prepared to come to terms with saying no, without plunging into obsessive thoughts. You have the right to ask for anything you want, if you can accept that you do not always get what you want.
Do you have false beliefs that prevent you from making requests? Maybe you think that others negatively perceive everyone who asks them about something?
3. Uncertain people shift decisions to others, even when they are more interested in the result
If you are not confident in yourself, you try to shift decisions to other people, even when your instinct tells you that this is wrong. For example, you are nervous about a bank deposit, therefore, you tend to listen to the advice of a consultant. By reason you understand that his job is to sell you banking services, and he is more interested in his premium payments than in your benefit.
Of course, it is wise to shift responsibility to someone who is an expert in a new field for you, and listen to his suggestions. Sometimes doubts become an important tool - they warn you about the wrong course of action. Pay attention to any situations when you shift decisions to those who will not take them in your interests.
4. Uncertain people really want everyone to like
We are not always able to control the reactions of other people.. For example, you came up with a new idea to reduce production costs. When making a suggestion for optimizing your work, you want to be absolutely sure that your colleagues will like your plan. For a week, you doubt whether your design is so flawless as to guarantee a warm welcome. During this time, you could come up with and propose not one, but a dozen ideas!
You cannot control how others will perceive your words, and an attempt to do this will lead to complete paralysis of decision-making. Think about all the external and situational factors that influence the final result, including people's prejudices, their momentary mood, or circumstances that you may not be aware of.
5. Uncertain people allow mistakes made in the past to prevent them from making decisions in the present.
If you unsuccessfully placed money ten years ago, you are afraid to make a mistake again, and sit back. As a result, you miss the opportunity to invest profitably. Or, once upon a time, you preferred a high-tech repair, and then regretted it. Now you would like to decorate the house in a different way, but the bad choice made many years ago prevents you from deciding on a change. This type of doubt often generates tension in the relationship if your partner wants to move forward and you are afraid to take even one step.
Instead of stomping around under the weight of past mistakes, learn from them and move on. We learn faster by committing erroneous actions and overcoming their consequences than on the basis of reflection and research. Move gradually, minimizing the impact of errors, and make sure that you consider all the risks and costs of inaction.
Do not be afraid of self-doubt. They can be useful, but sometimes they set traps that are easy to fall into. Having noticed them in time, you can use the positive aspects of self-doubt and get rid of the negative.
